Problems Finding Love

Despite all of our options–online and otherwise–most of us, at some point or another, encounter problems finding someone to be with. In this article, we address some common issues that serve as (hopefully temporary) obstacles to finding a partner.

Missed opportunities

Far-sightedness can be a problem, especially when opportunities are sitting right under our noses. Some of us cling onto the romantic ideal that we’ll meet our future partner serendipitously–that the hand of fate will magically lead us to someone. Media, and in particular romantic movies, contributes to this notion. This does happen, of course, but if we probably shouldn’t count on it, or we could be missing some serious opportunities.

Try not to miss a social invitation. Get yourself “out there”. Remember high school? The reason why it was fairly easy to hook up back then was because of the quantity of people we mixed with Monday through Friday. Taking a class is one idea. Get yourself where there are a lot of people. Consider online dating portals. They don’t have the same stigmas attached to them as they used to. As well, many have chat and email options that allow you to “get to know” other members before meeting them. Chat rooms are another possibility, but certain cautions about them should be considered. The anonymity of chat rooms seems to lead people to put up fronts and images of themselves that are sometimes far removed from reality. However, chat with the same person over the course of a few weeks, and you’re sure to pick up important clues.

Coming On Too Strong

Another potential problem in a search for a date (or second date) is coming on too strong. In our eagerness to find someone, we might inadvertently present an image of desperation.

I once had a date with a man who had a lot going for him in almost every way–looks, style, sense of humor, intelligence, a good job. However, he was so eager to find a relationship that I got the feeling that the relationship itself was more important than the person. People like to feel that they have stimulated all sorts of romantic feelings in you, not that you have a master plan to find a relationship, and they could play a role in it!

If you can focus on looking for a great person to have in your life, instead of focusing on the desire for a relationship, that’s best. Which brings us to the next category:

Love Comes First?

Intuitively, you might be thinking that love should come first. But I don’t agree. When “finding love” or “finding a relationship” is your priority, you lose sight of the person you are looking for, whoever that may be. Ideally, you find a person and then decide, not necessarily in one exact moment but over time, that that person is who you want to be with.